ok, ok, simmer down, i'll write another blog already

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY CLUSTER
[passive (paternal)-agressive (matriarchy) clusterfuck!]

Persons who act in passive aggressive ways do some of the following:

*Frequently is involved in fibbing, omitting information, or lying to avoid direct confrontation ("no, I don't have my mother's antique furniture stored in that tent,")
'hmm, that's strange, but I thought...'

*Often has challenges paying bills in a timely manner and may have poor credit history. ("Mom, the phone company shut off the phone today. Do you know why they would do tha--but we--yes, but--I--but mom--you didn't--I know, but--but you--but I--can I--would you--could I--would you let me--please, mom, I--but/hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm/beep.
"She," she begins as she moves tenderly toward me, and I interrupt like the slam of a bilco on a cellar door, "--hung up on you?"
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"yes.")

*Will make dates and stand people up.
("How long has it been? "I don't know," she clusters her frustrations.
"Hello?" we hear a voice from the door below our second-floor window
"Hang on a minute," I yell below and turn to Tiff, "or as Ed Izzard says, 'Klammern Sie an eine Minute an,' and run down in a clandestine robe.
"Is G_____ here?"
"Um, she doooeessn't live here, well, she does, I think, that's correct, right?"
"I had an appointment with her at nine am."
"Sorry, I wasn't really awake; it's nine am after all...you mean G_____."
"Yes."
"Yes!"
"yes," she pauses.
"Oh, for fuck's sake, come in, come in...sorry, I'm half asleep, and I had no information about this meeting." [insert sarcasm]
"I'm J____, the clutter consultant," she extends her olive-branched hand.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,"
[insert inner thoughts--oh, for fuck's sake, this explains a lot]
"Do you know when she'll be back?" [insert inner joke: is this a trick question?] "no, but let me check."

[insert song lyrics]
"you come from parents wanton
a childhood, rough & rotton
i come from wealth & beauty
untouched by work or duty
and oh, my love, my love
and oh, my love, my love
we both go down together
[violin solo]

"Hello, G______, this is A_____,

[and my parents will never consent of this love,
but i hold your hand]

"You missed your meeting with J______. If you are there, please pick up," I parenthetically plead with parental ploy. "She's only agreed to stay for five more minutes."

*May be in denial about passive aggressive behaviors, claiming only good intentions.
"Ohhhhh, I meant to be there, but I was at the place~where I had to put the thing~and then I had the~intention~of, and I just forgot to~oh, T____ knows what I mean. I didn't write it down because I didn't have a pen."

*In relationships may complain about partners to third parties instead of discussing issues directly with their partners.
"I hate it when R_____ drinks all day, and he's never motivated to move his stuff, even though I've said, very clearly, 'R____, move you things.' It makes me so mad." [heads nod in conjunction with a disorderly disorder]

*Chronically "forgets" to do important tasks wither for self or others.
{truck door slams, man enters drive....
'hi, i'm ______, here to discuss the propane tank installment,'
"you MUST be looking for G_______."
'yes, yes i am.'
'she's not here,' [enter a sarcastic, under-the-breath, 'as usual']
'where can i find her?'
'you can't,' [enter confused propane man look] 'this is a recurrent theme for her,' [enter confused propane man who never paid attention in english class look] 'i have to go, but you can go up to the house on the hill [enter irony] and inquire with the unsupervised workers who are expected to take care of their needs when they are gone, but are reprimanded when they make a poor 'informed' decision [enter sidestitchig irony].
'when do you expect her back?''
'HA!'
[her, back; her chronic behavior]
"OHHHHH, I meant to do that, I'm sorry, I just forgot."
'me, just fine, just dandy, just fallinginfuckingline...me.'

*Holding back on important information.
'ok, T, this is my non-negotiable, no-holds-barred list of demands:
1. The house is overrun with mice. non-negot-attn.
2. The house has a dangerous mold infestation. same as above.
3. The house has a chimney that is crumbling as we speak. same.
4. The house has no working smoke detectors. oh, you better fucking believe it.
5. The house is run by three little piggies whose brick, straw, & stone may break my bones, but their passive-aggressiveness will never hurt me.

*Sensitive about having requests made to them.
'could we have a working stove?'

*Giving mixed signals: unclear yes and no's
"Yes, of course! Do the research, get the oven YOU want."
'could we have a convection oven?'
"No, yes, no, what d'you want? just keep giving me these chocolate eggs! But the answer is no, yes, but only if you get the oven that I want"

*Wavering on courses of action
G: "Kill the mice, at all costs!"
R: "Don't kill the mice, think of the environment you killers!"
G: "Kill the mice, only if it is cheap!"
R: "Ok poison the little fuckers for all I care, just don't bother me, because I can't seem to leave my small plot of land to do anything, so what the fuck do I know?"
G: "I'll pay for it, but don't get criticize me if I write the check as if I have a mafia-like vendetta against the pen.

*Arguments and temper tantrums coming out of nowhere.
A: "I'm not angry at you, but we need do need to discuss boundaries if T&I plan to stay."
G: "BOUNDARIES! ALL I HEAR ABOUT IS BOUNDARIES? WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? WE'VE GIVEN YOU A PLACE TO STAY, $5.000, AND PAID FOR THE BILLS....

*Lack of commitment.
"We don't mind paying the bills for up to a year, to help you regain footing, and we don't expect anything in return...

*Claim to "do too much" for others.
...AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE EXCEPT COMPLAIN?...

*Angry about being powerless, yet not able to assert this.
*Often lagging in education and careers.
...A_______, GROW UP! YOUR EMAIL MAKES YOU SOUND LIKE A SPOILT [his misspelling] BRAT!

*Submissive,
"oh, that's the rug I gave you,"
on the surface,
"too bad it's discolored."

*I know I promised, but things came up.
I know, I promised a new blog, but things came up.
*I must be approved and accepted, but not controlled or dominated.
I must have the approval and acceptance of my readers, but I'm writing a new blog, despite the fact that I have five readers and, "things came up."

-A_____ W_____, recovering passaggressaholic

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god bless glasgow's leadership